I May Be a Tired Bean but I’m Still Full of Beans

16 Apr

So today we came back to uni from Easter break, and it has been a bit of a spiral for me. Ups and downs and worry and relief and lack of sleep. But sometimes you don’t realise just how much a person really loves you until you are in most need.

That’s how my boyfriend has felt on Sunday, after we came back from A&E earlier in the morning. He came down with chest pains which we first believed were caused by something he ate and didn’t go down properly, but then it eventually led to breathing difficulties and him finding it painful to even move the slightest bit. It was really the most scariest and worrying thing to see your loved one fine one minute, then falling to pieces the next.

My dad drove us down to our 24-hour A&E and after I helped Ryan who was clutching his chest in agony, I explained to the receptionist what had happened. By that time it was after 1am and the pain has been going on for about five hours, with the breathing difficulties half an hour or so. We sat down and waited for his name to be called. It was incredibly distressing watching him have the pain constantly coming and going, and that all I could do was just sit next to him and comfort him in any way possible by rubbing his back or talking to him to get him distracted. Although he himself was finding it even difficult to talk, so I tried best not to make him respond so much.

There wasn’t many people than I expected for the very early hours of Sunday morning, as I was more so believing there would be a lot of people who are drunk (which there weren’t any at the time) or people in general with very minor and silly things (as I have seen when I have had experiences of going to these A&E things).

There was a few with major cuts (one man was escorted by police to the A&E with his face full of blood) and others with broken/sprained injuries. Others I wasn’t able to tell. But I did have sympathy for this elderly woman, possibly around her late 80s, early 90s. She was escorted back home then came back, telling the receptionist that she couldn’t get into her flat as her locks have been changed and that someone told her that she no longer lives there now.

You could see that she was clearly distraught but as I was watching more of it unfold I felt disgusted that the hospital staff was not even doing anything to help her. All they did was give her a small cup of coffee and told her to sit down in the waiting room which we were in. I believe that she may be a regular patient of the hospital, since all the staff knew her by her first name and mentioning to her how she had two sets of keys, therefore possibly using the wrong one. But she was very adamant in the fact that she couldn’t get in, and all in all, they should at least have tried and help her, or even calm her down.

But what got more upsetting was when she said that she “now has nowhere to go” and would prefer if they gave her “a bottle of pills to down”. Ryan and I was also led to believe that she was suffering from Alzheimer’s as she asked one person for the time, then five seconds later asked another person for the same thing. She then sat back down asking another if they were here to see the doctor, and that she couldn’t even remember why she was at the hospital in the first place. It was truly sad. Not just for what she looked like she was suffering from, but for the fact no one was there for support and comfort… Even now I’m still thinking if the lady is alright..

… Back with Ryan, he was called soon around after two. I helped him up as he was struggling to move. We went into a room where a nurse asked him the regular things you’d ask from a patient. He mentioned his symptoms with me helping to address some of it when needed, and was asked what he does for a living. Which was probably the main culprit. Working at a DIY store, he has to lift things such as barbeques, lawnmowers, bags of compost, etc. And everyone knows that they’re not the most lightest of things. And lately, he has been overworking and overexerting himself which I was not wanting him to do.

The nurse gave Ryan some strong painkillers and mentioned that it could have been a pulled chest muscle, which doesn’t necessarily come straight away and can happen after a few days. He was told that he had to wait a bit more to get an ECG (Electrocardiography) which he wasn’t too thrilled with, not with just that but staying even more. You can see he was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. As for myself, I felt tired as well but didn’t want it to show. We came back out and I told my dad that he can go on home and I’ll call him if anything developed or to come pick us up. Plus, I didn’t want him to have to keep slotting in £2 every hour for the hospital car park.

The painkiller Ryan got given was working, but also taking an effect on him, causing dizziness and blurry sight, two side effects of the medication. Within half an hour he got called again to have his ECG scan and obviously this time I couldn’t go with him. Within those minutes he was gone I was really worried for him, and didn’t know what to do if anything terrible happened. The man I love is suffering terribly and I just couldn’t do anything to help.

He came back, saying that there didn’t seem to be any irregularities with his heartbeat, but he has to wait for the doctor to fully analyse it all. By then it was about three and we were both tired but I just told him to close his eyes and lean on me and I’ll wake him up when his name was called again. He only did so for a bit, but I felt relieved he got even a small bit of winks.

We waited. And waited. It was quarter to five and Ryan was starting to get impatient and irritable, wanting to go home and rest properly in bed. Especially since he heard a different nurse telling another patient waiting that the doctor wouldn’t be here for another four hours. He was begging me to call my dad and tell him to pick us up as he didn’t want to wait until for then, but I wouldn’t let it. He was trying to convince me that he felt better, but even if he was telling the truth, I wanted to make sure with the doctor that everything was ok. He wasn’t happy, and bless his heart, he became a little sulky.

I unwillingly gave in when he said that we’ll wait until half five, and that if anything happened it would be his fault. But in my mind, even if I felt it was taking time to see him when even no one in the waiting room has been seen for over 45 minutes, I still wanted to stay for longer because I didn’t want anything to get worse. And it seemed luck was on my side and by 5:25am Ryan was called again. This time into a treatment room where he began freaking out in and I had to calm him down.

The doctor came and apologised for the long wait as they were busy. Probably were the weekend drunks causing the delays. She checked Ryan’s heartbeat and breathing, and told us that everything was fine with his heart, to all our relief. It just seemed to be a muscle strain. All he had to do was take the same type of medication they gave him which can be bought over the shop counter, and I guess just wait until it heals. If it persists he has to see his GP.

We came out into the waiting room area for the exit, and I noticed that the elderly woman was still there, sitting on the cold, metal chairs, fast asleep. I again felt completely disgusted by how she was treated; felt that they could at least set something up for her for a bit of comfort. By the time I came back from outside calling my dad telling him what happened and to pick us up, the woman was gone and I assumed that a hospital staff member had taken her in. I told Ryan, who felt the same way, that I hope that the woman will be alright.

By now it was becoming daylight at 6am and Ryan was telling me to make sure I get some sleep as my eyes were bloodshot. He was annoyed by how long we stayed but grateful I was there for him, as he always felt that because my work takes up a lot of my time, I’m hardly showing much affection. But now he knows that I do care and love him deeply, and that I’ll be willing to do anything for him, and I know he’ll do the same for me.

We got back home, and eventually went to bed for a few hours. We woke up sometime around the 10 o’clock hour and with the painkiller having been worn off, Ryan was horribly in pain again. After helping him get washed and dressed we went to get the medication. Even though I wanted him to stay at home so it did not put a strain on him, Ryan refused and wanted to get some air, although it was really cold. Although he told me at first not to, he asked me to call up his parents and tell them what happened. And in the end he slept through most of the day after having the same side effects as before from taking another dose.

It was good to see him resting properly without feeling any pain though. It was really hard watching him cramp up every time an episode happened. I just had to try and tell him to take deep and slow breaths so not to panic.

It passed twelve hours since we came back home and he decided he wanted to go home with me feeling quite reluctant with him driving by himself. So we decided for my mum and dad to go in my dad’s car and drive behind Ryan and myself whilst he is driving back to his home. It was really kind of my parents to do so, and I am ever so grateful to them for doing it. We got back to his all safe, and lugged his stuff to his bedroom.

I made sure that I told his parents that he does go to the doctor on Monday to get a week signed off as he tends to not do these things and pretend to me that he has, and we left him to rest. Thankfully, today he did go and I have spoken to him a couple of times throughout the day to check and see how he was coping. He said he was feeling better but we had to cut our evening call short as he was beginning to get chesty. So it obviously still hasn’t healed properly. But in a way I’m glad that since yesterday he has recovered quite a bit. But it didn’t mean for him to go into work straight away. I just wish I could be there to look after him properly like on Sunday.

Last night when I was in bed I couldn’t help but think if he was alright and sleeping ok, and whether I should call him to check and see but I didn’t want to wake him up in case he was asleep and cause him more pain and stress. With me worrying I couldn’t get to sleep until late last night, so I guess tonight and tomorrow since I have no uni will help me regain the two days worth of lost sleep.

But now Ryan keeps saying how thankful he is towards my parents and as well as myself for how caring I was and that he owes me a lot. I don’t feel the need that he does, because as cheesy as it sounds, I love him and that’s what couples do. They stand by each other no matter what. And we have done that for four years now, and hoping to continue on that with more years to come.

Anyways, that’s pretty much my weekend. I’m glad that he is recovering day by day. Just want him to get as much rest as possible.

And I think I’ll do the same once I’ve sorted out a few things before sending the book cover design, which again, I’m making some modifications to which I’ll explain another day.

Night, night.

*My tiredness seemed to have messed up the title a bit so I’ve corrected it now. Perhaps now is best that I should go to bed…

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2 Responses to “I May Be a Tired Bean but I’m Still Full of Beans”

  1. Mark Armstrong April 19, 2012 at 01:39 #

    Aw, man–! Sabine, my friend, I am so sorry.

    I’ve fallen behind in reading blog posts, and only just read this one today. What a horrible ordeal for both you and Ryan. I do hope he’s feeling better, and stays on the mend. I shall say a prayer for him.

    Funny– it so often takes bad luck to help one realize how lucky one is. Anybody who’s got you in his corner is clearly a lucky man. He was in the Cuckoo’s Nest for awhile there, but you helped him fly over it!! Good thing you’d been working on a certain project for a long, long time, eh, what???? : )

    Hang in there, this too shall pass.

    • Sabine April 19, 2012 at 23:10 #

      Thank you Mark for your kind words. Good news is that Ryan called me earlier to tell me he was feeling better, no pain and can eat properly now, which I’m really happy with ^_^

      It’s alright that you didn’t read it on the day it was posted. Just read the posts when you have the time. It’s only that so much has gone on this week that I have been posting more than usual.

      It is strange how when something bad happens, it tends to comes out good in the end. He may be a lucky man, and he’ll always be my lucky man, but I feel most at luck with the support he has given me throughout the years : )

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